Monday, May 02, 2005

Corporate Slavery - Chapter 2

The Cubicle


Legs jammed against the underside of the desk.

Back squashed against the wall of the cell.

Eyes, sore and strained, from reading and typing Arial Font Size 10 for 5 hours straight.

Periodically hyperventillating as the latent claustrophobia kicks in and the 5-by-5 foot cubicle walls close in even tighter.

Sweat streaming down face and glasses fogging up as control is once again imposed.

Hell?

Hell is no longer a fiery abyss with rivers of flowing lava supervised by horned demons.

Hell is a field of enclosed spaces where 'employees' slave away their days, tucked away into cost efficient 'cells'. 'Cells' with walls too high to see over and with no doors - giving the false impression of freedom.

Hell is a pre-programmed schedule of movement and feeding times.

Hell is close-minded, opportunistic, power-hungry, control freaks controlling the life and destiny of the cORPORATE sLAVE.


Viewpoint of a Confused Alien:

Multicellular organism constantly scuttles back and forth within a confined space for a fixed period of time. After said period of time, organisms exit their respective 'cells' and migrate to another destination en masse whether they proceed to scuttle back and forth within a slightly larger confined space.

Viewpoint of Andy in Shawshank Prison:

I can see the light!! Almost there!! Oh shit....

After crawling through a mile of human faeces and urine Andy is confronted by a cold wet group of grim unimpressed and plain 'pissed off' state troopers who have just spent the last few hours searching for him.

Andy is then beaten to a pulp before being returned to the hole for a 3 month stretch.

Viewpoint of a Promoted Corporate Slave:

Out of the 5-by-5 cubicle and into the 10-by-10 cubicle. Two more steps in every direction. More hours spent in the cubicle to fulfill the extra responsibilities and justify the promotion. Less friends due to envy and jealousy. More stress due to added proximity to superiors.

Result? Shorter lifespan, increased odds of heart failure, divorce, family break-up, alcoloism and drug abuse.

Viewpoint of Fat Cat CEO:

I want you to fire 30% of our workforce; revenues have dipped 2% this year. Oh and by the way, I'll be excercising my stock options this month.

Viewpoint of George W:

"Who are our main constituents?"

"White, religious folk and rural dwellers sir"

"Lower the taxes for rich urban folks and find me another country to bomb the sh** out of"

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LOOK OUT FOR CHAPTER 3 WHERE A HERO ARISES TO LEAD CORPORATE SLAVERY TO FREEDOM